Fanfiction: Violence
TITLE: Violence
AUTHOR: setosgirl
RATING: PG
DATE: 4-12-06
PAIRING: Inuyasha X Sesshoumaru
SUMMARY: Songfic to the song ‘Violence’ by Blink 182. Inuyasha is just thinking about Sesshoumaru, how much he wants him, how much that killing him.
DISCLAIMER: The song ‘Violence’ is owned by Blink 182. Inuyasha and all associated characters are owned by Rumiko Takahashi. I’m just playing with them.
* * *
VIOLENCE
Inuyasha dropped the sake jug from his place in the tree, watching the moonlight on the ground below him moodily. The pale light cast sharp shadows on the ground below, revealing the absolute stillness, loneliness of the place. There was no one around – there never was anyone around. He didn’t want to be surrounded by people when he was thinking like this…
Six bottles went down the drain
One hour’s a waste of time
I’d ask if you feel the same
Still pushin’ that chance to try
Sesshoumaru… that was what – whom – his thoughts insisted upon returning to. Sesshoumaru.
His brother.
Sesshoumaru…
He could sit here for hours and think of nothing but his name. Sesshoumaru… Gods, fucking Sesshoumaru!
His brother who hated him and wasted no opportunity to tell him so.
He wished he could hate Sesshoumaru. Sometimes, he almost could… Never quite, but almost. And he wanted to, so badly… it would be merciful. Then he could keep his head when he saw him, maybe… Maybe he could actually want to fight him.
Your breath in this cool room chill
Long hair that blows side to side
You speak and make time stand still
And each time you walk right on by
He closed his eyes, letting them slide shut to block out the moonlit scenery. Unbidden, an image rose in his mind – of Sesshoumaru, of course, as he had looked the last time he had seen him. Pale, perfect skin, not marred but accented by the almost delicate, pinkish stripes on his cheeks, by the dark moon on his forehead that contrasted so starkly with his fair face.
His hair, the purest white – in the daylight it shone like ice, like the not-quite-real glitter of unbroken snow in the sun. Except that he had last seen him in the moonlight… and it shone like molten silver in the moonlight. Gods, that hair…
And he got a perfect view of that gorgeous hair, too… blowing in the cool breeze… as Sesshoumaru walked away. Again. He always walked away… He crossed their path, insulted them… seemed to never notice how everything and everyone froze when he appeared, when he spoke… and walked away.
Like violence
You have me
Forever
And after
Like violence
You kill me
Forever
And after
Inuyasha groaned and dug his claws into the tree. He would give anything, anything, to keep Sesshoumaru from walking away from him. To be able to stop him from doing so.
It was killing him. He would never be able to hate Sesshoumaru, not when he wanted him so desperately… He couldn’t stop himself. He wanted Sesshoumaru so badly, wanted him to accept him… Wanted to make him accept him. Wanted to grab him and keep him from walking away, making him look at him, make him stay and just for once face what he did to him. Make him see that as long as Sesshoumaru was around, he would be utterly at his mercy, whether he wanted it or not… whether he acknowledged it or not.
He wanted to hate Sesshoumaru for what he could do to him, with a glance… A glimpse of his perfect… beautiful… face… A single word. Sesshoumaru owned him utterly…
And for that, he wanted to own Sesshoumaru just as utterly. He wanted to have Sesshoumaru at his mercy, hold him captive…
His inability to have him was killing him. He was sure of it.
Can’t count all the eyes that stare
Can’t count all the things they see
He kills with a life to spare
Just victims and left to bleed
He wasn’t quite dense enough, or lovestruck enough, not to see that he wasn’t the only one Sesshoumaru had that effect on. Sesshoumaru was probably used to it by now; he was so beautiful that people had probably been falling in love with him at first sight for centuries. Maybe even his entire life. Anyone who knew him couldn’t help but be obsessed with him…
He just wished he knew for sure what it was that affected him so badly. He had tried for years to figure it out… As far as he could tell, it was just Sesshoumaru. Everything about him. The utter confidence with which he carried himself. The absolute icy coldness of his demeanor. His breathtaking physical beauty. The danger he represented.
He wanted to break that confidence. Melt that ice. Own that beauty. Tame the danger. He wanted it all. There was more, though… so much indefinably more…
He didn’t know. Sesshoumaru just walked through life leaving his victims in his wake, letting them die slow, painful deaths at the hands of his heartlessness. He killed men and women a little more every day and didn’t even seem to notice…
One drink and the pain goes down
Soft shadows lay by his feet
Lay soft as you slowly drown
Lay still as you fall asleep
(fall asleep)
He supposed it wasn’t really such a bad death to die… dying because of Sesshoumaru’s ignorance of his feelings. A lot like falling asleep in the snow… he was just slowly going numb.
The pile of souls at Sesshoumaru’s feet was slowly growing, and he never even noticed… maybe it was more like drowning. Trying to shoulder aside that pile of his brother’s previous victims and suffocating under their weight.
Like violence
You have me
Forever
And after
Like violence
You kill me
Forever
And after
If only Sesshoumaru would acknowledge what he was doing, though! If he would just acknowledge that he knew, that he wasn’t blithely unaware of the lives he ruined, it would be bearable… If he had any reason to think Sesshoumaru was doing it on purpose, he would have no problem throwing off the effects just to spite him, as though it were just another attack.
He wished he could believe that. He had the feeling, though, that he had no idea. Not only was it not a weapon he employed, but he was like a child, completely, innocently unaware that he was wreaking havoc. That made it so much worse…
That was a strange word to apply to Sesshoumaru… innocent. And yet, though he was a murderer probably hundreds or thousands of times over, though he was cruel and cold… everything about him screamed of purity. The pure, barely tainted coloring of his entire person, the almost completely emotionless way in which he viewed the world. Even when he was fighting, killing, Sesshoumaru was emotionless. So violent, so dangerous, and yet so cold at the same time. It was as though, no matter what else he was, he had a side of his personality, the best side, which was completely untapped…
Inuyasha wanted so desperately to be the one to tap that part of him, to release the true passion his emotionless front was hiding…
Like violence
You have me
Forever
And after
Like violence
You kill me
Forever
And after
Like violence
you kill me
Like violence…
like violence…
like violence…
That was when he saw him. Striding – no, strolling through the moonlight. Inuyasha froze so as not to alert him to his presence, to be able to watch him in peace. He passed briefly under the shadow of a tree, and he all but disappeared, only to reappear a few steps later and all the more radiant for the absence. Not only his hair shone like silver, but his entire being seemed to radiate a muted glow, like that of the moon itself. If Inuyasha could tear his eyes away, he could look up and see the moon, compare the two…
Of course, he would never be able to tear his eyes away from Sesshoumaru. Not now, not ever, even if only to see just how pathetic the moon was in comparison.
He felt as though he couldn’t even spare his eyes to blink, that possibly the vision of ephemeral beauty would simply disappear if he took his eyes from it. In the moonlight like this, his fair skin seemed to have no color whatsoever; his hair, his face, his clothing, all seemed to be made of the same silken threads, so delicate yet so strong, and altogether so unearthly beautiful…
He ached to his very core. He needed to have him…
Like violence
You have me
Forever
And after
Like violence
You kill me
Forever
And after
At the base of the tree so far below him, Sesshoumaru paused briefly, looking at something. Inuyasha had nearly forgotten the sake jug he’d let fall. There was no way Sesshoumaru could be unaware of him now. He would lose this perfect moment of tranquility, though there were far worse things to break it than Sesshoumaru’s smooth voice…
He glanced up. For a moment, Inuyasha had a view of his full face, lit brightly by the moon though the rest of his body was dappled with the clear-cut shadows of the leaves. In this light, even his deep golden eyes appeared nearly colorless…
Sesshoumaru would see him now. If he didn’t see him, he would smell him, or hear his now-racing heartbeat, or even just sense him… There was no way Sesshoumaru was unaware of his presence now. He was almost looking forward to the inevitable confrontation… maybe he could tell him what he was doing here, for real…
Then Sesshoumaru looked back down and turned away from the tree, his long hair swaying…
And he walked away.
Like violence
You have me
Forever
And after
Like violence
You kill me
Forever
And after
He would never be free.
Never.
~end~
Tags: angst, introspection, Inuyasha, Inuyasha (series), oneshot, pg rated, Sesshoumaru, songfic, Yaoi